April 19, 2017

HINT OF FLOWER- AND SOMETHING I THINK ABOUT


Good morning guys!

     It has been quite here in my blog and there is a reason for that. I have been feeling kinda low the last one and a half week, due to the visit to the doctor last week (well multiple times, to be accurate, before they knew what was going on). 
But lets start from where it began.

     On Saturday, after a day of fun stuff (we celebrated my birthday a few days early), I started to feel pain in my lower and upper stomach. I have a lot of pains in that area, so I thought that is was fine, it will pass over. On Sunday I was even worse, so we went to the emergency room. They didn´t really have a clue on what was going on, so they sent me home and told me to go to a different place the next day if it still bothered me. 
     Monday morning was awful! I woke up at 4am to get ready for work, but I could barely move because of the pain. I couldn`t straighten myself. So, back to the doctor. After a day of lying in the waiting room, they finally took some images of my stomach and turned out that one of the endometriosis was leaking (I have two of them now, one small and one big) and that caused the pain. 

     There is really nothing that can be done when that happens and it can happen every now and then, nothing you can do to prevent it or fix it. I got strong pain killers (made me puke into my car while I was driving home, awesome!) and time off from work. And now I am waiting to get another surgery to get rid of it, I think it is in half a year or so. But the thing is that you can´t really get rid of it, it will always come back, as long as you are fertile. It is funny, I am 27 and waiting for menopause, hah! 

     Mine has grown more that three centimeters from the last time I checked, so the big one is now 7x3cm and it has ruined my left ovary, which probably have to be removed in the surgery. And it is all fine, I knew that it was going to happen, they almost removed it in my first operation, but decided to save it, since I am a young woman and don´t have kids yet. And to that notice, I have no idea if I want to have kids, well I do know that I want them some day, but if that is impossible, so be it. 

     The worst thing is that I have to start taking birth control pills again (I should have never stopped taking them in the first place) and those pills kinda make me crazy. I have tried pretty much all of them and I end up crying all the time, or being super mad, or just feeling low and depressed. I don´t want to live like that for who knows how many years, not feeling myself at all, but I guess I don´t have a choice. 

     It is not only bad, tho. When this happened, I realized that I can´t effect on certain things in life, but I can effect on some. And for that I can know admit that I kinda of hate this blog. I mean not the blog it self, but more the content I am trying to provide. It is not me at all. I want talk about more serious, deep stuff, not about how I bought some new clothes and all that. I thought fashion blog was the way to go, to get more readers and all that, but when I read my posts, I can sense that I am not passionate about it all! And don´t get me wrong, I love clothes and surely will posts outfit pics here as well, but I don´t want to do it all the time. 
     I have also noticed that ALL THE TIME someone wants to talk about this with me. Where ever I go, someone is bringing it up and wanting to have a conversations of what I have written. That really bothered me and I couldn´t figure out why. But it was that simple reason, that I don´t like my blog at all. I think it is boring and not me and kinda hypocritical as well. If I can´t stand behind something that I have said, how can I have an honest conversation about it?

     So for now on, it will start becoming more from me, not just me on it, if you know what I mean. And taking outfit pics is fun, I like being photographed, but it also kills my creativity, because I am not the one taking the pics, my job is to edit them and I don´t get any satisfaction from it. There is no "that is a great photo I just took", not learning to take better ones, is just, lets pose and get it over with. 

     So this is what I had on my mind today! Have a lovely Wednesday loves! Rock on!

-V

12 comments:

  1. Hi, Veera. Happy Belated Birthday. It's sad to read about your sickness and soon to be operation. I want to let you know that Jesus loves you and He only can help and assist in your situation. I'll keep you in my prayer. Remember: All is well. Be Blessed and get well soon!
    http://www.godblessyouxo.com/2016/12/06/ten-steps-receive-jesus-christ/

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    1. Thank you! This comment was so sweet, I almost cried! And yes, it is all going to be okay, no doubt about it :-) Have a wonderful day!

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  2. Hi Veera. Happy belated birthday! Don't worry, you'll be fine.

    Will I be a terrible person if I ask for your glasses...and your jacket...and your bag...and your shoes...and your hair. LOL!

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    1. Haha! No :-D I am glad you like it! And thank you for the birthday wishes, kisses!

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  3. Hi veera, Happy belated birthday. Get Well Soon!
    You look so pretty in all these assessories. Loved it

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  4. Happy belated birthday! I hope you'll be well soon.Lovely outfit as always btw

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    1. Thank you so much! :-) Have a beautiful day!

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  5. Happy Belated Birthday. It's sad to read about your sickness. Don't worry you'll be fine. Very cute outfit. I love your floral boots/shoes.

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    1. Yes the shoes are pretty amazing, aren´t they :-) Thank you for the comment and birthday wishes!

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  6. Sorry to hear of your pain but the flip side is what you have realised. I see some fashion blogs and it's interesting to know if that's them talking or the I want to be a famous fashion blogger talking. The only way to do it is write what you believe in and are passionate about because that is what will shine through in your writing over the superficial stuff. Good luck and I hope you find passion in your new direction.

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    1. Yes, I totally agree with you! I maybe thought that fashion blogging would be the easiest way to do this, but is there a point of doing something easy if it´s not your passion? I have many other and those are the things I want to address more in the future. Thank you so much for your comment!

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I will answer asap :)